[CREATE] Code of Conduct

[Gez]

El lun, 20-01-2014 a las 16:46 -0500, ginger coons escribió:

> Though a CoC might not prevent a determined jerk from being one, having 
> an set of expectations about what counts as harassing behaviour might 
> help people realize that what they're doing might be unwelcome. It's 
> possible to perpetrate harassment and make people feel unsafe without 
> realizing it. As Dave mentioned up-thread, one of the key things about 
> checking our privilege is realizing that things we may find acceptable 
> ourselves might be intensely unwelcome to others.
> 
> What makes a code of conduct most useful isn't that it makes enforcement 
> and punishment easier, but that it lays out some mutual understandings 
> about what's considered inappropriate in a community. As we grow and as 
> more newcomers join in, having some tangible evidence of our community 
> expectations, instead of just a tacit understanding, is going to be more 
> and more important.

Although I understand your point and I agree that avoiding some
misunderstandings is enough of a reason for the CoC, I'd like to point
out that unintended behaviors are really easy to correct, just by
talking.

Take this simple example: here in South America we're used to hello
kisses.
Not only to people we know. Also to people we just met (or even when
they are being introduced to us).

If you and me meet personally and somebody introduces us, there's a
chance I'll approach you for a hello kiss.
In my country that's very natural. I don't know if that's the case in
yours, but I know that in several countries that leads to an awkward
moment. Some sensitive person may even feel unsafe in that situation.

If that's outside your comfort zone, you just have to step back and say
"I'm sorry. I'm not used to that and makes me feel a little
uncomfortable" and I (and probably most of the people) would understand
and offer a sincere apology, making it clear that it wasn't my intention
to make you feel uncomfortable.
The awkward moment ends there. I doubt that any reasonable person would
call that harassment or feel bad if the other person offered an apology
and stopped the offending behavior immediately.

But I could also meet a person from a country where hello kisses are as
common as in mine, and nothing at all would happen.

So, how do we treat that kind of situations? If we say that any kind of
physical contact isn't appropriate to manifest affection, we'd make
people who feel unsafe with being touched feel safe, of course. But at
the same time we'd be deeming inappropriate something that makes a lot
of people feel welcome and in a friendly place.
Honestly, I think I'd feel quite bad in a place where every time
somebody offers a friendly hug or kiss in a cheek somebody freaks out
and screams "he/she tried to hug me!!!" instead of saying that hugs are
not ok for him/her.

If somebody touches another person intentionally and doesn't stop when
the person asks it or shows uncomfort, we're not talking about an
inocent guy who offended another unintendedly: we're talking about an
abusive person who's going forward anyway, even after the other
manifested his/her uncomfort.
And honestly, I don't think a person capable of doing that would care
much about what a CoC says.

A person who's ready to call other people names, making mean comments
about race, gender, sexual orientation or whatever is a jerk. And that
can't be excused by saying you don't know it makes people feel bad.
If the offense has an intention, then the CoC won't make a difference.
It's hard to believe that a person who can't respect others will respect
a CoC.
If the offense is unintended, then dialog in-situ can solve most of the
awkward moments. The CoC won't make a difference there.

That's why I say I'm not sure about how effective a CoC is preventing
incidents.
But I'm not saying LGM shouldn't have one because of that. It won't harm
having one, but if it means administrative headaches for the organizers
(and it was suggested that it would) I think it should be discussed.

Perhaps the same effect can be achieved with a simple statement in the
web, without calling it "code of conduct" or writing something that
could be considered a legal document or agreement.
Just saying "treat others with respect and ask for respect if you feel
mistreated. If somebody feels offended for something you did or said and
asks you to stop, offer an apology and avoid that behavior".
It's just keeping it friendly and safe. Something that can be achieved
with a bit of common sense and respect.

Gez.